The Fredösphere

It's just a feeling, but I suspect I am the first person on earth this year to use the word "byzantiniality" in a conversation.

Life is never quite right when one is not working one's way through a Neal Stephenson novel, so I'm glad to be reading Snow Crash, his first big hit.  Among Stephenson's many gifts is a pitch-perfect mimicry of tin-ear Engrish.  Here's the welcome sign that greets you at the entrance of a "burbclave" that belongs to the sovereign entity known as Mr. Lee's Greater Hong Kong:

WELCOME!

It is my pleasure to welcome all quality folks to visiting of Hong Kong.  Whether seriously in business or on a fun-loving hijink, make yourself totally homely in this meager environment.  If any aspect is not utterly harmonious, gratefully bring it to my notice and I shall strive to earn your satisfaction.

We of Greater Hong Kong take many prides in our tiny nation's extravagant growth.  The ones who saw our isle as a morsel of Red China's pleasure have struck their faces in keen astonishment to see many great so-called powers of the olden guard reel in dismay before our leaping strides and charged-up hustling, freewheeling idiom of high-tech personal accomplishment and betterment of all peoples.  The potentials of all ethnic races and anthropologies to merge under a banner of the Three Principles to follow

1. Information, information, information!
2. Totally fair marketeering!
3. Strict ecology!

have been peerless in the history of economic strife.

Who would disdain to subscribe under this flowing banner?  If you have not attained your Hong Kong citizenship, apply for a passport now!  In this month, the usual fee of HK$100 will be kindly neglected.  Fill out a coupon (below) now.  If coupons are lacking, dial 1-800-HONG-KONG instantly to apply from the help of your wizened operators.

Mr. Lee's Greater Hong Kong is a private, wholly extraterritorial, sovereign, quasi-national entity not recognized by any other nationalities and in no way affiliated with the former Crown Colony of Hong Kong, which is part of the People's Republic of China.  The People's Republic of China admits or accepts no responsibility of Mr. Lee, the government of Greater hong Kong, or any of the citizens thereof, or for any violations of local law, person injury, or property damage occurring in territories, buildings, municipalities, institutions, or real estate owned, occupied, or claimed by Mr. Lee's Greater Hong Kong.

Join us instantly!

Your enterprising partner,

Mr. Lee

Love that can-do attitude.  It's more American than most Americans.

Tomorrow:  the wisdom of Stephensonism as it applies to the culinary arts.