The Fredösphere

Previously I mentioned a suspicion that composer Robert Ashley has hints of Asperger's Syndrome in his personality, a conclusion I came to based solely on listening to small excerpts of his music.  Later, I realized this one-time intuition could be generalized for the personalities of all composers.

My new system, encoded in a computer algorithm, allows me to develop an accurate and highly detailed psychological profile of anyone who has composed a substantial body of music.  You simply feed copies of the composer's scores into the machine, and it makes it's diagnosis purely based on the notes.

I predict my new system will revolutionize the practice of medicine.  If only we can get all people to compose music, the present techniques of psychiatric diagnosis will be rendered obsolete.

Some of the results of my system, as applied to the famous composers of history, are fascinating:

Hildegard of Bingen	Nymphomania
Bach	Dropsy of the Brain
Handel	Hydrophobia
Haydn	Melancholy
Mozart	Catalepsy
Beethoven	Nervous Prostration
Mendelssohn	Moral Insanity
Robert Schumann	No Mental Health Issues
Clara Schumann	Wandering Uterus
Wagner	French Pox
Ravel	Animal Magnetism
Stravinsky	Tired Blood
Webern	Scrivener's Palsy
Copland	Neurasthenia

What a collection of nutjobs!  I guess the "mad genius" stereotype has something to it after all.

For confidentiality's sake I kept living composers off this list, but I did email their results to a number of them.  Sadly, not a single one responded positively to my generous offer of free medical advice.  I guess I'll have to recalibrate my system so a diagnosis of "denial" comes up more frequently.