A Concise History of Western Music
Sibelius #7. Aaaaah, yes. And God said, let Sibelius, that sad old drunk, spring forth upon the earth, to give man an glimpse of my pure, sweet beneficence. And my holy unction. And to distract man's attention away from that appalling Wagner character.
Patrick J. Smith reviews the Oxford History of Western Music here, but really, who has the time or money for those six dense volumes? You've got everything you need right here, complements of the Fredösphere. The following handy table rates every composer anyone would ever care about, giving only the details you really need. It's free, and will take you but a minute to read.
| Handel |
Cool |
| Vivaldi |
Sucks |
| Bach |
Most cool |
| Johann Josef Fux |
Fux Sux |
| Haydn |
Way sucks |
| Mozart |
The later stuff is cool. The ending of the
Overture to Figaro
sucks |
| Beethoven |
I'm not sure -- let's ask Advice Bunny |
| Schubert |
Way cool |
| Mendelssohn |
Way cool |
| Berlioz |
Sucks |
| Schumann |
Sucks |
| Brahms |
Cool |
| Wagner |
Cool, except the operas |
| Verdi |
Cool, except the operas |
| Rachmaninoff |
Cool |
| Sibelius |
Way Cool |
| Stravinsky |
Cool |
| Schönberg |
Way sucks |
| Ravel |
Cool |
| Poulenc |
Cool |
| Havergal Brian |
Sucks grade A, extra large ostrich eggs |
| Messiaen |
The parts I understand are cool |
| Boulez |
Sucks |
| A bunch of living composers I'm too lazy to
mention |
Cool |
| Another bunch of living composers I'm too
cowardly to mention |
Suck |
| Any University of Michigan composer |
Cool |
| Any Ohio State composer |
Sucks |
UPDATE: this has turned into a memette.
Umie the Umlaut says, "ask your doctor about the Fredösphere!"
10 Comments:
Advice Bunny says Beethoven is cool. I knew the hare wouldn't let me down.
I'm happy to disagree with you over several names on this list, but I feel obliged to at least try and persuade you that Schumann is way cool. The entire Dichterliebe cycle is a masterpiece, and within that cycle, the first song, "In Wunderschöne Monat Mai", is itself enough to make the case for coolness. It's more than a perfect match to Heine's lyric, the writing for both voice and piano is perfect, and Schumann mangage not only to set the text but comment upon it, through an ambiguous accompaniment that is practically the definition of wistful.
you missed chopin and debussy, who are both way cool.
Beethoven is way cool, bunnies not required. i have seriously never met a muscian who thinks otherwise.
Hey, where's Edward MacDowell? I know, he kind of sucks, too. But he is responsible for this: http://www.macdowellcolony.org/
Some say he and his wife invented the whole "bed-and-breakfast" thing. That should be worth something and may help cover over some unfortunate and obviously largely forgettable musical choices.
And where is Charles Ives? I think I detect some kind of Euro-Michigonian prejudice...
Advice Duck, for once, agrees with Advice Bunny over Beethoven. Beethoven succeeds where Elmer Fudd failed!
The only thing I really don't understand, or cannot relate to in some way, is your take on Haydn. If you like late Mozart, you really ought to take another listen to late Haydn: Haydn was composing before Mozart's career, and was still composing after Mozart's death. Early on, Haydn was a big influence on Mozart, and later, it was the other way around. I used to think Haydn was good, but inferior to Mozart, but now, I believe - due to Haydn's extraordinarily long career and development path - that late Haydn is the absolute last word in pure classical music.
I agree with almost everything on the list, but would like to second Daniel Wolf's efforts around Schumann. Give the piano quintet a listen. That's way cool.
Also, just personally:
Bartók - way cool
Oh, and for the record, Messiaen: If you're not sure, it probably sucks.
Sign me up for a nice big Ostrich Egg omelet, then. I'll admit there are plenty of Havergal Brian's pieces that I've never come to terms with, but the Violin Concerto and the 3rd, 6th, 14th and 28th Symphonies are among my favorites.
And what Hucbald says about the relationship between Haydn and Mozart? Much the same goes for the often-maligned Muzio Clementi and Beethoven a generation later. Clementi played a huge role in developing the Beethoven-style sonata, as well as the modern piano to play it on. That's got to count toward some coolness points.
Lastly, Bartók is beyond way cool. I think "Bartók Units" (B.U.) have now replaced the outmoded "degrees Kerouac" (K) as the standard measure of coolthitude...
Uh, Vivaldi and Haydn do not suck, fool.
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