The Fredösphere

We watched all four episodes of the BBC production of Gormenghast, based on the first two books of the fantasy cult classic by Mervyn Peake.  I haven't read the books, but since they are "cult classics" instead of just plain "classics" I assume they suffer from the same lack of plot discipline that the BBC version does.  However, as far as alternate realities go, this one is a lot of fun.  An earldom, cut off from the rest of the world, is run by strict adherence to ceremony and tradition.  Even the menu for the Earl's daily breakfast must be looked up in a book.  Feebleness and dementia are epidemic in Gormenghast.  A thick layer of dust covers everything.  Some parts of the castle have not been visited in living memory.  Nobody works out.  That kind of place.  Gormen ghastly.

The acting is mostly fantastic, with our old friend Ian Richardson of Francis Urquhart fame) playing the old Earl to perfection.  (By the way, if you haven't seen him in the movie Dark City, run out right now and get a copy.)  John Sessions lets us have fun watching him have fun in the role of the zany Dr. Prunesquallor; ditto FIona Shaw as his bizarre sister Irma.  Jonathan Rhys-Meyers was very, very creepy as Steerpike, the kitchen boy who rises to power by violence and intimidation (this is an easy crowd to intimidate, as it happens:  interbreeding has left them all dumb as a bag of hammers).  He is able to make Steerpike seem alternatingly simpatico and repellent, sometimes making the switch in mid-sentence.  Space does not allow me to give full justice to other excellent performances by Celia Imrie, Neve McIntosh, or Christopher Lee.

I mention this show because some of you may be of the type to want to find out more.  You know who you are.  If you get the DVD, beware that episodes 2 and 3 are very slow moving; I'd almost recommend you skip them.  In fact, don't expect much action; when things finally do start to happen, the author kills off two critical characters without making a plot point out of them -- what a waste.  (This doesn't include other characters that are also killed, again without advancing the plot, but about which I have no complaint because I wanted them dead.  You will too.  Believe me, you will too.)

Now, here's something that bugs me.  You will have noticed most titles of nobility have a male and female version, as shown here in this handy chart:

Male Title	Female Title
Duke	Duchess
Baron	Baroness
Lord	Lady
Count	Countess
Earl	? ? ?

What the heck is supposed to go in that last slot?  Earless?  Earlette?  The cover of the DVD lists Lady Gertrude as a "Countess."  That can't be the answer, can it?  Why can't the English get this whole aristocracy thing figured out?