The Fredösphere

Kids in Hertzogville, South Africa got a day off from school in anticipation of the imminent resurrection of the currently dead Paul Meintjies, as predicted by a local prophet.  A local priest, obviously dealing with some serious faith issues, has disagreed, saying it was "highly unlikely that Meintjies would be resurrected."

An Oslo pastor has reluctantly reported a vision that the Olympics in Athens will result in a "bloodbath."  That's so typical.  Norway is just crawling with religious zealots.  Next door, a pastor in Sweden doesn't appreciate the life sentence the judge gave him for ordering his nanny to kill his wife.  A cell phone is involved, as you would expect.

Nigerian police have arrested 30 witch-doctors after finding 50 bodies and 20 human skulls.  Competing witches in Tanzania have killed but seven so far.  Okay, let's quickly move to the next story before I crack some really, really tasteless and insensitive joke....

Nobody dies in this one, so far as I know, but the second musical in as many years on the life of L. Ron Hubbard is about to hit Broadway, called Moonchild.  The previous musical was called A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant, but you knew that already.

Authorities are getting off their collective duff, as well as their respective duffs, and investigating accusations of sexual abuse and forced marriages in a cult known as "Canada."  No, wait.  I think I got that mixed up.  You better read it for yourself.

And in case you skeptics are feeling smug right now about all this religion-inspired foolishness, just remember:  the worst crimes of all are usually inspired by atheistic governments or people who attend Wagner operas.